My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
