nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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