I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
