he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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