Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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