I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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