Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
