i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize