he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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