I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
