Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
