I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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