You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Come on in and take your pants off
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