What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
