Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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