She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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