I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
