Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
