I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
