Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
