1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
