Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
