After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This baby is an asshole
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
