Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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