from now on my penis is your penis
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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