I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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