I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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