wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
