My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
