yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
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