She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Come share oat with me in your robe
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
