help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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