if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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