fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize