i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He felt like a one man threesome
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
