it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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