i just had sex bonerless
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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