go do what you do best...puke behind churches
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
