i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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