I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
