A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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