R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
