I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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