Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
