how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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