That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
