You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
