i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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