Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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