the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
