I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
