he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
