Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
