so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
