He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
