fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
