We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
