Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
