why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
