There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
