Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
