He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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