Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
