My hair reeks of homosexuality.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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