had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize