Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
