Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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